What does it mean to "tuck her in"?

Photo by Kyle Nieber on Unsplash

A few years ago a child was taken away from her mother and was in our care at Childhelp.  The mother (I'll call her Sarah) wanted to do everything she could to ensure she would be able to get her child back.  She quickly bonded with the foster mom and thus began the best of all scenarios:  A foster mom teaching the birth mom how to parent; how to show love to her child.

Seems so simple doesn't it?  I mean, those of us who grew up feeling loved and secure so naturally love our kids in that way.  But, knowing how to show love is not a given and sometimes we actually have to teach parents how to show their children love.  What a blessing to walk along side someone who has made horrible choices but owns up to it and is willing to learn.  I can't think of any quality I admire any more in someone than a teachable spirit.

When it came time for the child to have an unsupervised visit in the birth mom's home, Sarah was nervous.  She called the foster mom and asked her how to do it.  She wanted a list of what her child did everyday and what the foster mom did.  She essentially was asking "how do I mother my child?" The foster mom eagerly made her the list.  She included things like "I give her a snack at 10:00 and she really loves bananas and peanut butter".  Or, "we play outside for 30 minutes at 3:30."

The foster mom was surprised to get a call from Sarah about 8:30 that night.

Photo by Alexandre Croussette on Unsplash

Sarah sounded nervous and was anxious about the next item on the list.  "What does it mean to "tuck her in", she asked.  Without judgment, the foster mom explained what it meant to tuck a child in at night.  She calmly taught Sarah how to express love and security through this foreign action called "tucking in".

So much of our own raising is taken for granted.  We often assume everyone knows how to love and that people just naturally know what to do.  Sadly, this is not always the  case.  Many times, parents who were abused or neglected themselves are destined to repeat the abuse apart from an intervention.  Foster care, many times, can be that intervention.  It might possibly be the wake up call a parent needs to change their habits and to finally learn how to love their child.

When I first thought of fostering years ago, this part of the equation intimidated me- this idea of working with birth parents who have done something so bad their children had to be removed.  While sometimes it is necessary for a child to have zero contact with the parents, when contact is allowed, I find myself rooting for that parent to step up.  I see that redemption on all accounts would be the very best scenario.  For this child to not have to question for the rest of her life why her mom or dad didn't do everything in their power to get them back, I think we can all agree, would be best.

So friends, know someone who might need a little assistance in learning to show love?  Are you a foster parent who needs to reach out in compassion to the birth parents of the children in your care?  Are you a birth mom who suffered yourself at the hands of parents who did not know how to show love and now you are repeating what you learned?

We don't escape this life without at some point, crying out for help.  Cry out, dear friends.  There are people who care.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.