You're doing WHAT??? How to help relatives and friends accept the idea of fostering

You are so excited!  You have just gotten the call and a sibling group of three is coming to your home this evening!  Wow...life is about to change and you are suddenly realizing that you can not do this alone.  This will require an army of people who will be there to help you at the drop of a hat. You envision meals being brought, children developing new aunts and uncles, ice cream trips, and family barbeques. It can happen. It shouldn't be that far fetched. But, the reality is, many, including some of your family and friends, might not understand what you are about to take on. They might not feel the excitement as the new bunch bounces their way on to the seen like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. Perhaps they want to help. Maybe they want to understand. And yet as you sit alone and the phone remains silent, you realize the possibility that others just don't get this.

Photo by Charlein Gracia on Unsplash

In this world, most find it difficult to understand this new role. We love to embrace the American Dream  but let's face it, the dream is many times for ourselves. It normally doesn't include opening our home to wounded children and many of those surrounding you won't be able to fathom making that kind of a sacrifice. Most dream about making life easier for themselves...not more difficult.

But, you know your life was meant to be used for a greater purpose so you press on with confidence. Our job is to assist those curiously standing on the sidelines and show them how they can help. Here are a few suggestions to help bring people you care about into this new world.

1) Inform your friends and family. During the couple of months prior to a placement, let your friends, family, and church know of your desire. Talk about some of the feelings and thoughts that led up to this decision to foster and set out some expectation of the support you are hoping to receive. This is the time to find out who will stand beside you and walk with you through the good and the bad. Also, finding support groups or organizations that can offer resources and experience is helpful as well. In the Knoxville area KAFCAM (Knoxville Area Foster Care &Adoption Ministries  http://kafcam.org/) is a wonderful resource for information. There are many online groups that can offer suggestions and resources and who also can relate to what you are going through. Connect. It might be your lifeline on a hard day.

Photo by You X Ventures on Unsplash

2) Educate yourself and others. Children who have come from a trauma -filled life are going to have some learned behaviors. The more you can educate yourself and help others to understand, certainly the better off you all will be. Childhelp offers training to help in understanding the brain and development of children from hard places. There is much to offer just by searching the Internet. As a way of introduction to children who have come from hard places, check out this video from Dr.
Karyn Purvis of Texas Christian University. Dr. Purvis does an amazing job of helping us see how the brain and development changes when a child comes from trauma.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vjVpRffgHQ&t=2012s

3) Ask for patience. You are essentially bringing strangers into your home. The bonding and attachment process takes time. Set realistic expectations for yourself, your kids, and even your family and friends. All of our hopes and dreams for our kids will not happen over night. All of the altruistic, benevolent thoughts we have about what we are doing can diminish in the midst of hard, real-life drama. Perhaps we have to take a moment to imagine ourselves in our children's shoes and understand all that transpired to bring them to this point. Empathy, kindness, and unconditional love can all work together to help a child heal. Those qualities need to come from you as the foster parent but they are so appreciated when they also come from those around you. Take each day as a new beginning...and take as many new beginnings as you need.

At Childhelp, we are happy to help those around you understand this pool in which you are about to dive. It won't be easy and probably will require more of yourself than you ever thought possible. But, with a great support team, patience, and a determined spirit, lives will be changed.

Every wound healed. Every child, a home.