Serenity NOW! Tips for keeping your sanity while fostering

Photo by Amy Treasure on Unsplash

There have been many times over the last 13 years of fostering and adoption that I felt my sanity slipping. While trying to give kids a sense of normalcy and safety, my world would in turn become disregulated and I would be the one in need of some coping skills. Last I checked, the mama in the corner sucking her thumb wasn't what was listed as "awesome qualities of a foster parent" when we were going through the classes for licensure. When you enter the world of hurting children, it is easy to allow the chaos and trauma to become part of your life as well. Here are some tips to keep your sanity in tact:

1) Keep a sense of humor.
The most successful foster parents I know always find something to laugh about. There is plenty to drag you into the dark pit of despair but a lighter side can be the rope to help you climb out. When you can laugh at your own mistakes, forgive quickly the mistakes of others, and allow the stress to roll off your back, you might be on the road to keeping your sanity in check. In this world of heavy

issues, laughter truly is the best medicine. Find the funny movies, tell the light-hearted stories, and play the silly games. There is probably no better way for a child to heal than to play their way to good mental health. A good foster parent joins in on that play and keeps things on the lighter side. Even when instructing or disciplining, less is more. Less talk, less drama, less anger. Believe me, with my love for words, I've had to learn this the hard way. Surely talking something to death will help them understand!!!  Uh, I'm afraid not. Keep it simple, to the point, and on the playful side and life will go well with you.

2) Brace yourself for uncertainty.
The whole idea of fostering is a temporary fix. Sure, many children may end up being adopted from foster care but, the uncertainty of that and all that it entails needs to be understood and embraced from the beginning. I see many heartaches that could have been avoided if the idea of "shared parenting" was embraced from the beginning. Oh I understand it gets confusing. We are begging you to connect and attach to hurting children and then the system feels like it yanks the rug right out from under you. This piece of a very messy puzzle can sometimes be the straw that pushes us right up to the edge of crazy. We understand. But, realize that there are multiple people and entities making decisions for this child or children and those decisions might stand in contrast to your own opinion. It is OK to advocate for your foster child. But, know from the start that your voice and opinion, while valued, will not be the only one heard.

3) Take care of yourself
If there is one thing I can say for certain, trying to eek out a few drops  from an empty vase will almost always result in a cracked pot! Learning what your own needs are and how to go about meeting them is the only way to have peace, harmony, and longevity in this ministry to hurting children.

Photo by Alora Griffiths on Unsplash

Go ahead...

Go out on that date with your spouse.

Schedule a massage.

Meet up with a friend for coffee

Take the time to read your new book.

Continue your gym membership.

If you are not taking care of your own needs, then be prepared for a break down. Our bodies and minds are not equipped to continually pour out without at some point a refilling. Learning how to recognize when your tank is low and what steps you can take to refuel will help you see this through to the end. Go without and burnout will soon follow.

Fostering is not for the faint at heart. But, few things in life are as important as meeting the needs of children. Arm yourself with a great support team and take the leap to make a life-long difference to a child.

Will it be hard?
Yep.

Will it be worth it?
Absolutely.

But here is the good news...Childhelp is here to help.


Every wound healed. Every child, a home.