Anger Management

Triggers. We all have them.  Little things that will set our blood to boiling. Maybe it is hearing your child whining that sets you off. Maybe it is siblings arguing. Maybe it is the teenage "know-it-all" attitude.

Whatever it is, when it happens, it triggers us and then, well...


We blow up.
We explode.
We say things that we really don't mean.
We over react.

Sound familiar?

All of us are plagued with little time bombs that threaten our sanity. Could it be it is time to take a different approach?  Perhaps we should take a moment and actually define what sets us off and then decide in advance how we are going to behave. We decide to follow a new script. We rehearse this scenario in our minds and in front of the mirror if needed, and we change the way WE react. We can be our own bomb detonators if we want to be. After all, we are the adults in any given situation and it probably will behoove us to act like it!

So when Susie sasses you at the dinner table, the  new script that you already have ready in your mind is "Susie, would you like to say that again with respect?"

Not the old 20 minute lecture.

Not the regular exchange where each of your voices are elevating with every passing second.

Instead, in the end Susie expresses herself with a little less sass. You avoid giving your hearty, intense but meaningful lecture on the way children should talk to their parents, and before you know it, you have moved smoothly to the next topic. I know, I know, you love that lecture. But, your child doesn't and shuts down after a minute anyway. We might as well make the most of that minute!

Deciding in advance how we will handle our triggers will most definitely help us avoid the fall out of overreaction and the angry exchanges that leave us feeling guilty and inadequate. I must admit I tend to be more reactionary than I would like to be. Thinking through things and planning my response is the very best way for me to train myself to respond differently. If I am always reacting in the moment, the bomb is always going to go off. But, if having thought it through in advance, even writing down my response, keeps the bomb squad from showing up in my head, sirens blaring, then I think it is worth a shot.

So here is our new plan of action: (By the way, this plan can work for spouses too)

Decide on what behaviors trigger your anger.

Decide how you will react every time this is said or done.

Practice your response. Write it out. Say it in the mirror.

Then wait for your test!

We can change our behavior! We can decide how we will respond! No more angry outbursts! No more fall outs that actually damage the relationship! And, (you can hear the collective sigh from children everywhere) no more angry lectures.

The truth is, in any relationship, the ONLY person we can control is ourselves. If we are successful at controlling our own reaction to those who want to pull our triggers, then we can have a level of peace we didn't think possible!


Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.