The new baby in the room

You are looking down at your lap. You smile.  You laugh a little.  You respond to the cute little thing you are holding...cradling even. It sends you back smiles and cute little laughy faces. It tells you funny stories that causes your belly to hurt from laughter, or it pulls out your emotional side and makes you cry.  It is your baby. Oh, I'm not talking about the chubby cheeked wonder we all know and love. Nope. I'm talking about the sleek iphone XS with a camera to match the professionals and loaded with an app for any mood.

Ouch. The new baby is a phone?  Yep.  I'm afraid so. The loving looks that used to go out to actual people in the room are now being received by none other than Miss Siri...an artificial person who, though useful, doesn't deserve the fondness with which we treat her. She, along with all her artificial friends are stealing our devotion and it just has to stop.

photo by danielkorpai on Unsplash

For the last several years, phone usage has steadily been
rising. People are spending hours a day lovingly looking at this 3"x 6" baby. We are as drawn to it as the worst addict. We treat it special...giving it the ranking, of well, chocolate.  Or even worse, our kids. We are out of our minds!

Let's vow to improve. Can we not give ourselves some boundaries that will keep this baby from taking over our lives? For the sake of looking into our children's beautiful faces, let's try. Here are a few steps:

1) When there are others in the room, phone is not in hand.

Live, warm bodies are infinitely more important than the latest filtered shot of your friend's kid. Looking lovingly into the beautiful blue eyes of the child looking at you is ever so much more interesting. Plus, like it or not, we communicate to our children what we value. No wonder kids want this coveted little creature so much!  We have told them by our actions that it is the most interesting thing in the world! In general, my rule should be: A person walks in the room, my focus is on them. We might be watching a show...but we enjoy it together.  They have something to say, I'm ready to listen with my eyes and ears.  People, whether my spouse, children, or a neighbor,  truly are more important than the image I was so enthralled with just seconds before.

2) We decide how much time we are going to spend on our phone. 

Do we really need to be notified with every  "like" or  message we receive on line?  This magical creature we have in our hands actually has a turn off button.  Or, at the very least, a turn off notification button. Turns out we CAN decide how much time we spend on Facebook and Instagram and if we struggle to make that choice, we can tell our phones to cut it out at a certain time.  Hmmmm...we are in control. Not a bad idea. Here is an extra piece of advise: As parents, we decide how much time our children spend holding their "baby".  These babies do NOT need to go to bed with them.  Your kids, your actual babies, do NOT need to care for it like a hungry child. It is a tool....tools need to be put away and stored. Decide when all phones are to be put onto the charge station...in YOUR room. Get an app that helps children shut down when their time is up.  Whether they tell you this or not, they might even be relieved. Our daughter who is a junior in college has confessed that she misses the days when her phone was left downstairs for the night. Her impulse to stay on it was controlled...and she was actually relieved of the burden of it.
Yes. I said it.
Burden.
Even though we embrace technology and become little app junkies, they are a burden.  Help relieve your children of that heavy weight by supplying,  and enforcing limits.

The child in front of you is more interesting than the image on Facebook

3) Focus on real life.

Believe it or not, interesting things are happening all around you.  Your dog is making an adorable face...tongue lopped to the side and eyes as big as saucers. Your five year old's version of the latest dance craze is hilarious!  And on display...right before your eyes.  Your spouse just gave you the most loving, heart eyes ever.  Did you notice? Or would your prefer the little yellow and red emoji to the real thing on the couch. If we are not careful, we are missing the real life happening all around us. We can ooo and ahhh all we want about the sweet story of  making cookies to hand out to the mailman, or picking up the paper for the elderly lady who just lost her soul mate. The stories are touching. But, we have an opportunity to live those realities out in our own home and on the very street where we live.  Virtual reality is truly not as good as real life. Stop. Look around you. See, smell, touch, and taste the actual meal in front of you.

Whether we like it or not, technology is here to stay. We can allow it to play a helpful role in our lives as a tool, or we can give it full reign. Do you need to do some self-assessing to decide if your screen appears more interesting than the warm bodies around you?

Every wound healed. Every child, a home.