Dear Child in Foster Care

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Dear Child in Foster Care:

Your path has been so difficult.  You have been through so much more than you have even let on; more than your case workers know; more than your foster parents know; and more than you are even willing to admit to yourself.  Our hearts go out to you in your pain and distress.

We see your downcast face.

We hear your shaky voice.

We understand the slammed door.

All of it, we get.  But, we want you to know that we are here to help you overcome.  We want you to come to a point one day of seeing yourself as we do...someone who is amazing, unbelievably resilient,  and able to soar above all that has happened up to this point.  We want you to have normal, healthy relationships and we work diligently on that now, so one day, when you are a spouse or parent, you know how that works.  We want you to be able to process real feelings so that you can experience life- the good, the bad, the ugly, the incredible.  We don't want you to stay in the valley of bland when there is a smorgasbord of life just waiting for you. Who wants a steady diet of Krystal gut bombers when there is Fillet Mignon on the menu!  There is so much more, sweet child.

So, if you would like this as well, please hear these suggestions. They are written with love from someone who has seen the pain of  your trauma. Please take a moment and see what is before you; what help and resources are at your fingertips and what characteristics you might need to develop.

1) Be teachable.  

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Up until now, you have not had too many invest in how to navigate this life. The adults in your life have let you down and you might resist trusting even now.  We as your foster or adoptive parents want to help change that.  We want to show you how to have real relationships.  We want to show you how to talk about ideas and dreams rather than people and drama.  We want to guide you to a place where you are able to see those dreams for yourself. We want you to learn to trust.  But, all of us, whether in foster care or not, have to assess our own selves.  We have to take a long look in the mirror of our souls and decide who we want to be.  I'm telling you now, if you are moldable and teachable, life will be open to you in a much easier way.  Lessons will be able to be learned without hardship and disaster.  But, if you ignore wise counsel, you might be destined to repeat what has been your teacher thus far.

2) Take responsibility
As a follow up to number one, take responsibility comes in right behind.  Sure you have had a series of horrible life events, none of which have been your fault.  It is unfair.  But, what happens to you from this point on is really up to you.  You, maybe for the first time in your life, have a chance to change the outcome.  You have people and resources to help you along the way and you don't have to battle for food, shelter and education.  You can focus on the healing that needs to take place and begin to change your story.  The path towards that is to take responsibility. Sometimes, true bravery is taking a look at yourself and rather than defending what is, you work towards what could be.  You are navigating a ship that can go in the direction of love, prosperity, and security.  Or, you can steer that thing right into a hurricane.  It truly is yours to choose.

3) Take advantage of resources
While you might not see the advantage of foster care at first, there are some.  You now have medical insurance provided for you up until you are 20. You have access to therapy to help you overcome your trauma.  Depending on when you came into the system and the age you were at the time of adoption, your entire college education could be free for you.  Sweet child, others only dream of that.  It is a real possibility for you but, again...your ship, your course.  I heard recently of a college student who had $80,000 worth of college debt and the major she chose will provide a job with an income that will literally take YEARS to pay that off.  That won't be your story if you choose to apply yourself in school. Education can change your path completely and it will be offered to you in foster care.  Not a bad perk after all you have been through.

4) You have a story that can help others.
I understand that you might not at this moment feel that you can change someone's life, but in your future, you might do just that.  You have a story that is unique to you.

It is one of terrible fear.

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It is one of survival.

It is one of trauma.

But, it can become...

One of hope.

One of peace.

One of thriving

One of power and self-confidence

One of normalcy

Precious one, we are here  for you.  When we talk to you about life and how to navigate it, we want to help you. We want good things for you and any correction is done out of love for you.

You are forever in our hearts.


Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.