Truly a Super- MAN

Here's to all of the foster dads out there who are tirelessly giving of themselves, sharing the most precious gift they have...the gift of fatherhood. They are the true superheroes of our time...the Superman of your community, the Iron Man of your home.  They are dads, plain and simple.

Foster dads deserve such blessings poured out upon them.

Many of the kids we serve might not have experienced what it is like to have a father. Maybe for the first time, they get to play basketball in the driveway. Maybe for the first time they get to flip the steak on the gas grill. Maybe they have someone to finally teach them how to drive a car or how to get a job.  Perhaps they have never had someone to root for them as they hit a grand slam or to cheer as they sing their first solo part at church.

You know, things that most of us just take for granted.

But for a child who has missed the vital attention of a father, or received the bruises of one who was out of control, a loving father can breathe life back into a child. They can restore calm and sanity to a world gone crazy.

We see our Childhelp fathers giving of themselves every single day. Here are some ways we see them "fathering":

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• They are there to read a bedtime story to their children
• They form funny traditions like a crazy hand shake or a cool way of saying goodbye
• They sometimes take their kids to work with them and teach them life skills
• They sit beside them in church, read the Bible to them each evening, and listen as Scriptures are recited.
• They sit through piano recitals
• They have a permanent indention in hard metal seats at the ball park
• They plan fun-filled vacations
• They make impromptu trips to the store for ice cream
• They make funny faces and silly sounds
• They open the car doors for their wives and daughters and teach their boys how to treat a lady
• They watch endless Disney movies...sometimes in place of the big game
• They tell their kids that they are safe and that "Daddy is here"
• They listen as their child begins to open up



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• They pray

So many ways our dads pour into children who need them...who sometimes are desperate for them.

We appreciate you, Dads.  What you are doing in the lives of these kids does not go unnoticed. Thank you and Happy Father's Day!

Every wound healed. Every child, a home.

Not Called

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I have used the phrase "a calling" many times in reference to fostering or adoption. I mean, after all, it is a huge undertaking and God's will and leading  needs to be in place. I might have been out of place, however, to use the phrase "called".

To say that we are called to something then makes it easy to say that we are NOT called to something. So, if we are "not called" to bring children into our home, are we automatically pardoned of responsibility?  I don't think so. Here are a few points to consider:

1) Children from neglect, trauma, and abuse are a societal issue with which we all must be concerned. It is unfathomable to think of a child fending for themselves for food, care, and love. We all have to work together to take care of the most vulnerable of our society and our world. Because the US is such a developed country, we might be tempted to believe our children are fine. Oh how I wish that were true!  We can no longer take pride that our children are well cared for when so many are being abused, neglected, and starved of both food and love. Our government is spending millions of dollars to help care for our children in need. While I'm so appreciative that we have that kind of support, certainly we cannot just look the other way and let it all be handled by the government. We must look at the kids down the street as well as the children of the world and see the monumental need. The very heart of God and what He deems is "pure and undefiled religion" is to "visit orphans and widows in their trouble". While neither the word "calling" or "command" is used in this passage, we certainly get the idea that the vulnerable are on God's heart and to imitate Him is to care for those in need.


2) While not everyone is equipped to actually bring children into their home, EVERYONE can do SOMETHING. We must do away with the thought that because we "aren't called" then we have no responsibility. We do. There are any number of ways that you can help and support families who have decided to take on the tremendous task of fostering or adoption.
Check out this blog from Jason Johnson who does an amazing job of helping the church see how we can all find our place in this ministry.

http://jasonjohnsonblog.com/blog/wrapping-around-foster-and-adoptive-families

3) Forgive me for being so bold, but if you are using the phrase "I'm just not called", then what you are really saying is...I'm choosing to look the other way. I'm choosing to NOT involve myself in this messy ministry." Because if we see the Bible clearly teaching to run towards children in need, and we choose to run away, then to further use God as your excuse for not helping in some way, shape or form is negating the many, many times He has urged us to meet the needs of children. Our calling is to be obedient...to imitate and pattern our life after the heart of God. I can't help but believe that to see, welcome, and value children would be demonstrating the true character of God. Christian teacher and author, David Platt, says "Even when Jesus' disciples saw children as a nuisance to be avoided, Jesus saw them as a treasure to be welcomed, to be received, to be loved, to be cherished."

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It isn't often that I want to present something that could offend or be taken in a negative light.  If you know me, you know that I would literally do anything to keep from hurting or offending you. My sin is enjoying being liked....too much. On a personal level though, bringing in six children from hard places was  over whelming. We needed support and lots of it. I remember the loneliness I felt when trouble and struggles eventually came. I remember well meaning Christian people looking at us as if we were crazy to bring this stress upon ourselves. That culture simply MUST change.  As a church, we have to normalize bringing in children from hard places. We have to train our nursery workers and Sunday School teachers how to love and care for children from trauma. The statistics are not heading in a downhill turn. The numbers rise each year. Please, pause for just a moment and sincerely ask God what part you need to play. If and when He gives you a clear answer that you are to do absolutely nothing ...then I suppose you can truly say "not called."

Are you home bound? Commit to pray.

Are you a pastor? Preach and teach on this and welcome those who are caring for this need.

Are you a student? Befriend a foster child.

Are you a teacher? Be patient and learn all that you can about trauma behaviors.

Are you a parent? Take your wealth of parenting experience and become a foster parent.

You get the idea. We all have a place. When it comes to caring for the most susceptible, the most tender, the most unguarded, doesn't it make sense that we are all called?

Every wound healed. Every child, a home.

Unmasked

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It is our tendency as humans to present what is our "best" side.  Social media has not helped with that. We trash any picture that shows us in an unflattering way. We use filters that add makeup or slim down the face. We can change the light so that it softens the wrinkles. We can honestly filter everything so much that we are barely recognizable.

It seems we all want to appear better than we really are.

But, doesn't that just wear you out?  Aren't you tired of pretending and having to keep up the facade?

I know I am.

Life would be easier if we just simply offered acceptance of each other and along with that...our individual flaws. All of us have flaws. We are all masking something that we think is less than flattering.
Acceptance doesn't mean that we quit urging each other to greater works, healthier living, and flattering attire. What it does say is that we be honest about ourselves. If we are struggling, we say so. If we have gained a few pounds, eh, we don't try to hide behind someone else in the picture.
It is real.
It is honest.
And at times ... a bit raw.

There is truly nothing I have been through in my life that has  revealed more of the true me than becoming a foster/adoptive parent.  I have had to grovel through some painful moments and have had to peer way too deep into my hidden side. You know what I'm talking about...the side that very few see.  The "I'm tired and everyone needs to stay out of my way," side. The side that wants to make it more about me and my needs than the needs of those around me. The side that frankly, I would rather hide. But, stress seems to lead the way to exposure. My crazy begins to become untucked. The darkness sometimes comes into the light...whether you want it to or not.

Ugly.
Impatient.
Dare I say it?
Unloving even.

I value  kindness so much. I love to respond with a cheerful tone and a genuine smile. I want to answer "yes" to as many questions as I can. But, if I'm taking off the mask, then I must confess, I struggle. The real me is sometimes not the image that I want the world to see.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I lost my hair and while it hurt to see myself bald, I was surprised that it didn't bother me more. At home, I went around with nothing covering my naked head.  Everything was uncomfortable. At home, I got to be me and my family loved me just like I was. But, when I went out...well then, I covered it up. I couldn't manage a wig so I wore hats that tried to disguise who I really was at the time.

I think in some ways, that describes our very soul. I'm in pain, hot as fire, and in distress, but let me put on this hat so that you will feel better about me. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable so I will cover up the hairless dome that is my head. It's not all bad. I mean we don't necessarily want to let the entire world in on our pain, struggles, and bad days. But, being real? I think we all need a lesson or two.

The truth is we all struggle. If this is not a period of turmoil for you, if you are feeling on top of the world and might be tempted to look down on others from your nice, high perch, then beware. Life has a way of evening out that perch. Rain falls on all of us. Perhaps the gut wrenching struggle...when we are so low we can barely lift our heads, perhaps it is in those moments that we are truly teachable.

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We are humble enough to see others through the lens of mercy.

We can allow others to shed their bothersome masks and reveal to us their true selves.

We can love those who might be, at the moment, unlovable.

We were all there at one time or another. Unlovable that is.

I dare say that true love,  is loving especially those that are acting unloving.

Nothing bonds people together more than to be loved fully...while at your worst.


Every wound healed. Every child, a home.

A breath- taking view

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The view from here is amazing. I guess you might even say it is breath-taking. It is not a beautiful mountain scene, with purple layers under a blue sky. It isn't a beach vista with a big orange sun slowly setting over calm waters. The view isn't of a cascading waterfall with droplets splashing on to colorful leaves. None of that. It is a different kind of view.

From my seat, I get to witness little travelers when they finally have peace in their lives when all they had experienced before was chaos. I get a view of sojourners  who have their bellies full after many years of not knowing if a meal would come anytime soon. The view I'm seeing is of long suffering guides, maybe with some dark circles under their eyes from lack of sleep, but still a look of satisfaction as their little charge, this child,  finally lets go of their resistance and connects; A true embrace instead of the body bump he once offered.

There are the few that get to walk so deep into the forest of life that they are invited to see what not many, if any,  have seen before.

They have walked right past the well-worn path and are now treading on the unknown.

They have skipped over the splashy tourist route and are smack dab in the middle of foreign places.

Sound scary? It is. But oh the joy of seeing things that no other person has had the privilege of seeing. In this dark forest of life, there are places so few dare to go but when you do...you experience a sight to behold!

The kind of views I'm talking about are truly breath-taking...

There is no blooming flower that can match a mind being released from it's prison.

There is no canopy of leafy trees that can compare to the shelter of a safe home.

There is no colorful rainbow that can even come close to the beauty of seeing, maybe for the first time, hope in a child's eyes.

There is no moon over still waters that can convey the peace that a child can feel once the rage has been silenced.

When you see those kinds of views, just like the most magnificent sunrise, you are bound to look, and look deep.

This treasure, this masterpiece, takes place everyday before our eyes. Oh, don't get me wrong, difficult trails of trash and clutter had to be traversed before coming to the place of serenity. Even battling raging wolves, or taming a wild boar, or even patiently coaxing out the shy rabbit might have transpired. Thorns had to be cut down. Colorful ribbons used as mile markers had to be in place.  But, the view from other side?

Rembrandt worthy.

So, join me on this journey.

Come along as we make our way past the overly trampled path and plunge headlong into the forest.

Young travelers are waiting. Waiting on guides to lead them.

Every wound healed. Every child, a home.

The World's Okayest Mom

I know.  Surely "World's BEST Mom" is what we were looking for. I want to know that I was the absolute best mother my kid could ask for.  But, the truth is- sometimes I was just "okay". Sometimes I might have even slipped past okay into "not so great" and occasionally I would find myself in the arena of "FANtastic".  I'm a mixed bag. Sort of like the quarter machine that holds the little toys inside of an egg.  Sometimes you got a really cool parachute man.  Other times you got a ring that's missing it's stone. Sometimes you just got an empty egg.

Just depends.

Probably the hardest part of mothering is dealing with what sort of "prize" you are shooting down the hatch today, or even this moment.  I can't think of a harder job than managing all of my "eggs" and  trying to keep them all filled with cool toys.  It's just impossible.  There are going to be duds and broken toys...Even for the same quarter spent.

Navigating motherhood is a task we think ought to come so easily.  We think the minute that baby pops out, or we adopt the cute, freckled redhead, that we ought to know exactly what to do. We picture ourselves with the most patient, loving answers...even though the question has been asked 1,000 times.  We envision a beautiful family portrait of kids loving each other and looking adoringly at me...their mother.  Ahh...maybe that happens to some of you.  It might have happened for a moment of my lifetime, but it was fleeting.
We live in a world where those "moments" are quickly put on social media.  Look at my perfect family.  Aren't we cute??  We have no problems...see us on the boat with our hair blowing in the wind? We are so perfect!  We are Instagram perfect!  We are Facebook worthy! Oh believe me, I'm not judging.  I do it myself.  I sift through the best of us to display to the world.  And I particularly choose the photos that hide my extra 40 pounds..or at least 20 of the 40.  Wouldn't want anyone to see THAT!  Yeah...I'll pick that one that gives the illusion that I haven't let myself go.  That's the one I will show to the world.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to stop hiding.  Sometimes it would be easier to just let the world see me shoveling that donut in my mouth.  Sometimes it would be easier to flash the photo of the "family movie"...with everyone sitting on their devices instead of watching and laughing together.  Yeah..that would be loads of fun.  Everyone wants to see that.
So, where are we going with this all too "real" look at motherhood.  My point is this: None of us gets an award for the BEST.  We all fail at times and want to do better.  We all long for the perfect family photo...both to show to the world and just to enjoy.  Perfection just doesn't happen.  You know what we get? 
We get REAL.

The first Mother's day card from Lucas - age 10

Real momma who has worked all day and just doesn't have the energy to play ball...but occasionally plays anyway.

Real kids who argue, stink, and don't clean up after themselves but write sweet, heart warming
messages on mother's day cards.

Real husbands who sometimes stare for hours at the game on TV but occasionally brings a surprise home for his tired wife.

Real life. Not instagram ready, necessarily, but real.
Real love.
Real patience.
Real endurance.
Real laughter.
Real pain.
Give me "real" any day. 

Oh I will still try to find a "presentable" photo of the fam.  One that shows everyone showered, and smiling.  But, maybe I'll slip in a sweet one with a couple of bedheads. 

Maybe I'll take a candid of  all of the table crumbs after a flock of hungry geese have pecked at the dinner table. 

Maybe I'll snap a quick photo of plain ol' me....no make up, woofy hair, sitting across from my love in the morning, drinking coffee, quietly talking. Praying. 

That's when I say...who needs "World's BEST"?  I'm okay with "okayest". 

It's messy.

It's complicated.

It's real life.

And I love it.




Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.

Stepping out of the box

Ah, life is so comfortable in the box.  I have my pictures on the wall. I have my food ready to eat.  I've got people around me who I love and who love me back. I have my toys and my pet.  It is all right here- neatly inside my box.
Truth is, I really don't want to leave my box.  If I dare to step outside the box, the wind might blow and my pictures might get tilted. I might accidentally bring in some unwanted leaves from outside.  Food might get a little scarcer and I- well I have just enough.

The box.  We all love the box.  Our own private little world where we hang everything just so and dare anyone to knock it off kilter.
I loved my little box too.

It was
comfortable,
cute,
manageable.

Who in the world would want to go shaking the contents of that box or turning it over on it's side.

Not me.

But then one day, I dared to step outside the box.  I dared to open the door, peer out, and look to see

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things that were hidden when I stayed in my comfortable box.  I opened the window and let a little breeze in.  I left the door open for a few minutes longer and stared.  I eased my way out on to the porch and I looked around and I thought to myself, "maybe there is more I could do with my box."
Now I'm not saying we dispense of the box altogether.  Not at all.  I am however, suggesting that we take the time to look around a little.  We leave, just for a moment, the well placed world we live in, and breath in a few breaths from outside the box.  Go ahead.  Suck in the air a little.  Hmmm...it is not so polluted after all!  Didn't even get choked up!

I talk to people everyday who love their "box" so much, they are afraid to walk outside it.  The view they have is limited to their clean, white walls and they are terrified to allow the color of the outside in. I shutter to think what would have happened if we had not flung the door wide open and taken a gander at the children standing right outside our door.  They were not the neighborhood kids who could quickly scamper back to their own nests.

No.
They were...

Children who were yearning to be invited inside.
Children who prayed that someone would open the door.
Children who would have almost begged to have a place at the table.
Children who needed to be included in the "box".

Photo by Helena Sollie on Unsplash

The truth is, our boxes have secrets.  Our boxes can expand and we didn't even realize it!  Not only is there more love, room, food, clothing, and "stuff" than we ever thought possible, but,  there is one quality about love that leaves you shaking your head in disbelief:  Love always multiplies, never subtracts.  Don't you remember having your second child and wondering if you could possibly love the new baby like you did your first?  And then, suddenly that second child comes and the love was there...in abundance.  The miracle in this?   Nothing was taken away from child number one. Nothing.  The truth is, it might have even grown. 

Love multiplies.

Boxes...or houses make new rooms

Families set another place at the table.

Children have a home.





Seems so simple. It really doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

Open your door.
Walk out on the porch of your box.
Take a look. A long, deep look and breath in the air.

Children are waiting for their invitation.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.

Simplify: Not just a cute sign to hang on the wall

I'm not a great multi-tasker.  I realize that women are typically supposed to be gifted at doing multiple things at one time, but I somehow missed out on that gift.  If I am talking on the phone  and a child asks me a question, I lose both conversations!  I have no idea what the child said  or what the person on the phone was saying.  I'm lost.  I've learned I have to keep things simple in order to manage my life and I have to say, some of you might need to follow suit. Simplify is a popular phrase right now, but not so popular in how it actually is done.

I understand wanting your child to have every opportunity life offers.  I get wanting them to become well rounded people with a variety of abilities and skills.  I certainly want that for my kids too.  But, somehow I think we are losing some skills in our effort to skill them in so many areas. We are taking away some essential life skills by trying to fill up each moment of everyday.

There are several things I think we can teach our kids by paring down our lives and deciding to keep things simple.  Let me list for you a few advantages:

1) Your child will learn that life doesn't revolve around them.  If you are spending every night running Sarah to every practice and social activity known to man, then Sarah is for sure believing that it is all about her.  Of course we want our kids to know they are important, but teaching them their value, and having them feel entitled are two different things.  A child can understand they are a valuable person by taking time to listen to them and by allowing them to contribute to the "running" of the house...and by that I mean....chores.  They are fully capable of helping with the cooking, cleaning, helping with groceries, mowing the lawn, washing clothes, and many other things that go into keeping the household running.  When you busy your life with everything "child" then everything else gets put on a back burner.
All chores have to be delayed.
McDonald's employees start calling you by name.
Husbands and wives forget that they are...well....husbands and wives as well as mamas and daddy's.

Teaching your child that there are multiple people in the household, all needing to have their needs met as well will in the long run be healthier.

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2) Success over a few things is better than mediocrity over many.  Anytime I get too many things on my plate, then something or someone is going to suffer.  Although I am working on this flaw, I admit I am a people pleaser.  When I start trying to keep too many people happy, then I usually do nothing with excellence.  I can't help but believe we are all like this to some degree.  If we think we can master the art of 50 plates in the air at one time, most of us will be hit in the head when they come crashing down. There is nothing wrong with having a couple of evenings where everyone is home, and dare I say it, maybe even a little bit bored.  Those are the times when conversation can happen.  That is when the blanket forts are built.  That is when a family movie comes on and popcorn is made. I am one who needs to be a little bit bored in order to think creatively.  If every moment of every day is filled with an agenda, my mind doesn't have time to wander and my creative side is not engaged.

3) Learn to say "I'll get back to you on that".  As I mentioned earlier, being a people pleaser causes me to say "yes" too often and too quickly.  I have just recently vowed to myself to always give people an answer later rather than sooner.  Knowing my tendencies to take on more than I can handle, it is much better for me to take the request back home and think on it, see if I can fulfill it with whatever else I have on my plate, and then give the person my answer.  It might possibly still be yes, but I at least have had the opportunity to think through if it will fit into our routine and schedule.

4) Slow and lazy do not mean the same thing. Productivity is very valuable to me.  I really do not like "lazy".  But, deciding to slow things down and being lazy are not synonymous.  Purposefully keeping things simple, creating time for thought, conversations, and relaxation is healthy, not lazy.

I love to look at houses as I drive down the road.  I see all of these beautiful homes with lovely porches and decks, beautifully manicured yards, and maybe even a relaxing pool in the back yard.  What I don't see are people enjoying them.  Rarely do I see someone with their feet propped up enjoying their comfy porch furniture. I don't hear the splash of the water from the pools too often, and the decks look like they are rarely used.  I want to change that for myself and for my family.

I remember as a child, sitting each evening on the steps of our front porch as the sun went down.

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There was conversation.
There was quiet.
There were crickets chirping and frogs croaking.
And occasionally there was the collecting of firefly's.
There was connection.

A neighbor might come by and sit with us.  My grandfather, who lived behind us would wander to the porch to sit and smoke his cigar.  It was simple and there was time...time to reflect on the day and reconnect as a family. Oh, and I remember the distinct slamming of the screened door as we went in and out.  Just a screen separating the inside and out.  No locks and bolts to have to unravel to move from one to another.  No peep holes to look through to see who was coming.  It was the definition of "simplify".
Perhaps you are trying to figure out how to lesson the stress of life.  Maybe you have brought children into your home who have come from hard places and the hectic schedule you have set up is not working.  Dear friend, slow down.  Breathe.  Inhale the true value of simplifying and exhale the clutter that wants to suck us back in. Simplify is more than a cute sign to display in your living room.  It is a decision.

Resist.
Breathe deeply.
Enjoy.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.