Finding Family - Rathbun Style!

The whole Rathbun gang.

Sometimes in this field of work you fret. After all, these are little people we are dealing with...little people who need love, family and HOMES.  Finding a home and family is a heavy burden to carry and sometimes the wait for permanency is long... too long.  We wonder how everything will all work out and if there is a time where sleep is lost, it is at that point...when we are just not sure.

But then we get a bird's eye view of something spectacular! What a  privilege to watch miracles take place ...sometimes early in the process and sometimes just in time.

Either way, we know God is at work to find families for our little ones.

Such was the case for the Rathbuns.  Ragen and Rob Rathbun had watched their close friends, Laura and James Menard foster children for years.  They had been with them through some tough situations and had seen this couple faithfully love and care for the kids in their home.

Laura and James Menard

Then last year Laura and James took in two children as a temporary placement.  The Rathbuns were faithful to walk along side them as they always had...to help them when needed and offer their support.  But when Laura told Ragen that perhaps they should consider becoming an adoptive home for these two kiddos, it caused Rob and Ragen to pause and consider what this could mean for their family.

More than one person had noticed that the Rathbuns seemed to be the perfect family for this brother and sister.  The similarities between their own biological children, both in looks and personalities, was unmistakable.  Some of the needs that they had faced with their older, biological son were identical to some of the needs of this little eight year old before them. Their feisty 7 year old daughter had taught them how to approach the sweet and sassy 5 year old coming into their home.  It was as if they had already been through the training for these two kids...like the prep work had been done and they had passed with flying colors.

Jackson and Avery

When they began to consider what this could mean, Rob told Ragen that if they were going to do it, they were going to be all in. They weren't going to "try and see" but rather commit to these two as if it were meant to be and truly become their forever family.  They began with a few play dates, then weekends, and after they completed all of their classes to become foster parents, the transition was made. The Rathbuns remember having the children over on Thanksgiving that year so that friends and other family members could meet them...the entire family fell in love.

 Another memory stands out in their minds. Young Jackson prayed every night that God would provide him and little sister, Avery with a forever family. It was a nightly prayer. Ragen and Rob reassured him that his prayers would be answered. Knowing they would be the answer to those heart felt prayers helped them get through the six month waiting period.

When asked what was the most challenging piece of this journey to adoption, the Rathbuns said honestly, that while everything seemed to go so smoothly, the meshing of their biological children with their adopted kids took a little time and some patience. But, after months of living in the same home, Ragen stated that, "they are all truly siblings now. "

The Rathbuns are so quick to give credit to God for having led them to this place. Ragen spoke of adoption as the very thing that God does for us. "He takes us from the pit and chooses us".  The Rathbuns have been so successful at helping their children transition to their forever home. Ragen added, "It has been a wonderful, joyfully difficult season of life that I'm so glad we jumped into. "

Oh sweet family, Childhelp is so glad you jumped in as well! And, the delight on Jackson and Avery's faces says they are thrilled to have found their forever family. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of this miracle!

Avery and Jackson (front and left) with their new family.

Jackson getting some snuggles from his grandmother.

Many people joined with the family to celebrate

Jackson's expression says it all!

Case Manager, Shana Leist celebrated as well.

Belonging- the most important ingredient at Thanksgiving

The smell of tradition.

The aroma of family.

The chatter of the familiar.

Perhaps this is so common at your house, you hardly give it a thought. But, if you have children in your home who have come from hard places, they likely will take notice.

Sometimes we take for granted the wonderful smells, experiences, and love that is poured out on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or other traditional holidays.

 Aunt Betty always brings her sweet potato casserole.

I always bake the ham.

The kids get the table ready.

Everyone has a part to play and each year,  it is played out in a wonderfully familiar way.  It is like the comfiest of sweaters. The creamiest of hot chocolates. The steamiest of good, rich coffee.

It's comfort.

Whether we realize it or not, traditions make up much of our family experience. Perhaps you have a meal each week where most of your family gathers around to eat together. Maybe you all do a yearly trek to the movie theater  for the latest Star Wars movie. Whatever they may be, we might tend to take them for granted or barely notice them....just living and existing in these glorious rituals that make up our life.

Kids from hard places often are fascinated by our traditions. Much of the comfort that traditions offer might have been left out of their early years and whether they admit it or not, predictable feels pretty good. In my experience, our kids loved family so much, they were anxious to make any new experience a tradition. I began noticing on year two that they were asking for the things that were done in year one. "When are we going to have everyone over like we did last year?" Assumptions were made, even if it was a first time event, that we would do the same thing again the next year. I realized it was providing them predictable, fun, family experiences and we were happy to add a few more to our list.

The yearly trek to IHOP because that was the first restaurant we went to together.

The birthday fire pit parties because "my friends love to do that each year."

The making of the empanadas....a real treat that our kids brought us coming from a Mexican heritage.

The dishes that each child "specializes" in...like Hayley and her pineapple casserole, or Lucas and his amazing mashed potatoes, Aleisha and her decadent coconut cream pie.

Before you know it, our newest family members are an integral part of the tradition. Their contributions are noticed and appreciated and their membership into the family circle is sealed.

"We simply cannot have the dinner without your fruit salad!!"

"The way you cut up those potatoes is so much better than anyone has done it in the past. Whew, I'm glad you are here to take over that job."

"Listening to you read that passage is so meaningful. I'm glad you are here to do it each year."

Belonging.

 If we are honest with ourselves, we all yearn for it. If we move to a new place, we are truly not content until we have found the places...church, school, neighborhoods, where we belong.

So...

As you set out the good plates for Thanksgiving.

As you rake the yard for the annual "turkey bowl" football game that everyone participates in.

As you get out the 1,000 piece puzzle.

As you make your sandwich with the leftover turkey and sit down to watch the Cowboys.

Appreciate that you belong. Take in the familiar and relish in this moment of tradition.

Oh, and brag on the amazing after dinner play that your new family members have created. What a wonderful thing to see repeated for next year!

Belonging...the most important ingredient at any Thanksgiving meal.

Every wound healed. Every child, a home.