So...you want to be a "fun" mom?

Photo by Katrina Berban on Unsplash

When our youngest four came into our home, I was a teacher at their school.  I have always had a creative side and usually structured my classes at school to involve fun, active, creative activities.  I guess you might say I was known as the "fun" teacher.

One of our kids, Hunter, after being in our home a few months confessed, "I hear everyone at school saying you are the fun teacher, but I'm just not seeing it."  Ouch.  He was right.  I was definitely not being the "fun mom".  But, the stress of bringing four more into our home had me ready to hide under the table, not dance around it.  I was closer to tossing the little  monopoly iron across the room, rather than gently sliding it around the board.

My guess is that some of you reading this can relate.  Especially if you are parenting kids from hard places that are sucking you dry.  My nature, although normally giving, was to suck it all back in and resist.  You can't have my fun, I would think.  You have already taken me for everything I have!!  NOT the most loving, spiritual thought in the world, but how I felt, nevertheless.

One thing I have learned, though, is resisting my playful side really causes more stress than when I embrace it.  The positive feelings I feel about myself and....wait for it....about my kids, far exceed any idea of "reserve" I might be tempted to save back. When I play, the delight I see on my children's faces is proof that trust, loving feelings, admiration, and pure fun, can all come from mama attempting to do the the "floss" dance in the middle of the kitchen.  Fifteen minutes of UNO is so much better spent and produces so many more good feelings than losing myself in my phone, or insisting on quiet while I watch some mindless television program.  Really, it does.

So, let's take it slow.  What are some ways you can add fun to your day?  Here are a few:

1) Practice saying "YES".  Sometimes, when I am in the "you have drained me dry" mood, "no" slips out of my mouth so quickly.  Even if, and I'm just being real here, if "yes" would have been just as easy.  If you need a little help with this, make it a game.  Have a yes day!  Then, on that day, whatever is asked, if it is in your ability to do so, just say YES! Even "No's" can really be yeses when you say it right.  "I would love for Joey to come over!  Tonight we are busy but what about Saturday?!"  You said yes....just at a different time than was suggested.  Or..."of course you can have a cookie!  I'll put it right here by your plate so it is there for you after you eat your dinner."  See what I mean?  You are still able to say yes, even when you are having to delay the request.  And, every now and then could we just have a little cookie before dinner?  I mean, that is so much fun.  Really.

Photo by Emma Peneder on Unsplash

2) Turn on the music!  Music always lightens the mood and brings out playfulness.  Nothing causes more laughter in our house than me attempting some dance move.  Just the thought of it will bring excitement!  Who cares if you can't accomplish the move?  Who cares if it is awkward?  That awkward moment can release endorphins in the brain that will last for hours.  What about singing a silly song to lighten a heavy moment?  Let's face it, when things are tense, an out of tune version of "Let it Go" will surely put a smile on even the most troubled kid. Playfulness, especially through music,  allows a child to relax and realize their outburst, sour mood, or incessant questions or talking has not turned you away.
It is you being light -hearted and playful and it will yield trust.

3) Let's have some good ol' conversation!  Kids who have come from tough beginnings might struggle with carrying their part of a conversation.  One of the things that produced loads of fun and light- heartedness at our house was conversation starters during dinner.  We had a little jar stocked full of conversation starters like..."if you had one super power, what would it be?  Or, "if you were to be granted a trip to any place in the world, where would it be?"  Simple, fun, good conversation; An exchange of ideas that taught us to laugh at ourselves, listen to others, and honestly avoid the list of things our kids did wrong that day.  Let's enjoy our dinner.  Why muddy the waters right then?  There will be plenty of time for that later.

4) Have fun with your routine!  Sometimes the routine can become mundane. Every parent knows the stress of getting dinner cooked, getting homework done and the chore of making sure everyone has a bath.  Whew!  It is a daily challenge to accomplish it all!  But, routine can be fun when just a few short, unexpected moments are added.  A hip bump in the middle of stirring the spaghetti can be just the playfulness that starts a conversation about the day's events. Does your child struggle with getting  homework done?  Playfully pelt them with a wad of paper or a Nerf gun and things will take a turn.  It will allow energy to flow again and coming back to the task might be a little easier.  I know, you will have to calm them down a bit to get them back on task but will they trust you a little more to guide them through it? Absolutely.

Oh dear mom, I'm with you.  I want to be the "fun" mom too.  Let's vow to give ourselves a redo and at least once a day break out into song like Sandy from Grease.  We still have our moves!  We can still suck our cheeks together and make the best fish face ever.  We still have a game of hide and seek inside of us.  We do...it's there.  Just for today, let it peep out from under the rock of discouragement where it's been hiding. Oh, hello there, fun mom! We've been missing you!

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.