Reasons for fostering or adopting a teenager

My husband and I have fostered and adopted 6 children. They ranged from 10 to 16 as far as their age the day they first came into our home.  Most people find bringing an older child into their home a little intimidating. Should you consider the needs of your family and ages of other children in your home?  Of course!  But, here are a few reasons that teens bless our lives and our homes. 

1.     Teenagers are still in need of a family.

Whether a child is willing to admit it or not, kids want and need a sense of belonging.  In a family, they can find a place to call their own, people who understand them (or at least willing to try) and celebrate them. Teens need someone to be a model of what a healthy family can look like.  Often times, teenagers coming into the foster system have no idea what a healthy family can look like.  It can be mind blowing for the 14 year old to see mom and dad solving a conflict in a peaceful way.  Or even if they get angry, apologies are made and the love and relationship is still in tact.  It is a privilege to show them constructive ways to solve conflict and make decisions.

2.     Teenagers can do many things for themselves. 

 Fostering and adopting a teen can mean a very self-sufficient child.  In my experience, teenagers coming into my home were skilled at self-care.  They knew how to wash their clothes, help prepare a meal, and other useful things.  At our house, everyone pitches in to help with household chores.  Teens are definitely big enough and capable of handling some responsibility.  Of course, like all teenagers, they might have to be cajoled a little but they can learn to be helpful! Also, an older child can easily communicate their thoughts and feeling with you.  Sometimes with a younger child, it is difficult to know what is going on in their little noggins.  An older child has an ability to verbalize their thoughts, stress, and their needs.

3.     Teenagers are still children in need of a home.  

If you think our need to be loved and accepted runs out as we get older, you need to just look in the mirror at your own reflection and your own need to feel loved.  It never leaves us.  All we have to do is go through a drought of some particular need not being met and suddenly we are ever so painfully aware that being loved and accepted and cared about is always going to be a need.  Teenagers might have bigger bodies, but their hearts and minds are still in the fragile, childhood mode with empty tanks needing to be filled up. Having a place to call home is a need most of us take for granted.  Every child deserves a place that they can return to as they get older.  How lonely we would feel if birthdays, Christmas, and other major events in our lives went unnoticed and un-celebrated.  No one should ever feel that alone.

4.     Teenagers need help unpacking their bags.

You are probably thinking, well of course you will help them with their bags!  Yes, help them get clothes and belongings transferred to their own chest of drawers but this "baggage" we are talking about is two fold.  They need help with their literal bags, but what about with the emotional baggage that they are naturally going to have as a result of being taken out of a difficult situation.  Kids need help slowly unpacking those feelings and emotions.  A teen needs help in finding healthy outlets to communicate feelings and emotions which may have long since been packed away. A patient foster parent can be that key!

5.     Teenagers need to know you  want them. 

Let’s face it, most people looking to adopt, and many who are wanting to foster, are looking for a cute little chubby baby.  Teenagers know that the older they get, the less they feel that someone will come through for them.  They are no less valuable than their baby counterpart, but they have had years of neglect or abuse that might have jaded their view of adults. Teenagers need us to step up and show them that there are adults who care about them and are willing to make adjustments and sacrifices for them because they are valued.  If a child reaches eighteen, ages out of the system without any caring adult being there for them, their lives could be further damaged.  One adult willing to be there, even when times are tough, can help set that teenager on the right path where positive, healthy choices are made for their lifetime. 

While fostering or adopting a teen may still give you a reason to draw in a long, deep breath, many of the children in the foster system itself are older and are desperately waiting for a family to step up.  If you are feeling lead to bring a child into your home, why not consider an older child?  Even a....dare I say it?  A TEENAGER!!  

Every wound healed.  Every child a home.

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