Moving Over, Making Room

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Over the years, I have been asked many questions about fostering and adoption.  I LOVE to talk about it and consider it an honor to explain, defend, or educate people in this process.  Any interest, even sometimes misguided, is often an opportunity to inform people about the needs of children and how GOD can intervene and interrupt your life in order to provide for his little ones. 

One question that often comes up is, “were you afraid of what it would do to your biological children?” The simple, quick answer is….of course.  As parents, we are always worrying about how our decisions will affect our children.  And of course we sat them all down and discussed it together before we brought any additional children into our home.  It helped that they were on board with our decision but ultimately it was God’s calling on our life that would cause us to respond in obedience.

So here is an honest look at a few ways fostering and adoption contributed to our family:

1. Our kids learned how to make room for someone else.  There was a lot of shuffling rooms and beds each time we brought children in our home.  College kids did not have their “old” room enshrined as they left it when they returned.  Was that a sacrifice for them?  Maybe a little.  But, batch one (our biological kids) learned that there was value, satisfaction, and blessings in making room for others.  It meant at times they had to wait for our attention while we were having a serious discussion with one of the other kids.  It meant that teenage jobs were more essential to provide “fun” than when there were just a few kids. Sharing was just going to have to be the norm.  Had they been asked at the time if they minded their new siblings eating all the Poptarts, cleaning out the cookie jar, or leaving their dirty socks in the living room, they probably would have said “heck yeah!”  But, did they adjust and make room?  Absolutely!!  They moved over, adjusted their seat at the table and said both with their voice and with their actions….. “You matter”. And, “There is room for you here”.
2. It exposed our weaknesses.  There is nothing more humbling than to see your own selfishness on display.  Bringing in more children can often make us vividly aware of our own sins of pride and self-centeredness.  While we all made room, the needs were sometimes great and the ugly, tired of giving, “I want what I want” self would occasionally slither out from its dark cave.  When fostering, the greatest lesson to our kids was to realize it doesn’t have to all be about you…or me.  Of course, with each batch, each set had to learn those lessons.  Regardless of what the country song used to promote, it’s just not all about ME.  In this very self -absorbed, self- promoting, selfie society, this is NOT a bad lesson to learn.
3. We learned obedience.  As I mentioned earlier, an opinion on any family decision might be offered or expressed, but ultimately, God is in control of our family and our obedience to him is more important than our comfort, our activities, and our own desires.  Sometimes authority in general is a hard pill to swallow for children.  Learning to respect and obey those in authority is a lesson that will make life a little easier.  God gives us those people in our lives, those in authority, to help us learn to trust and obey HIM.  Ultimately, when HE leads us to do something, even if it is hard, we can trust that he knows what is best for our life and we respond in obedience. All of our children have seen this modeled…our answer to God’s call in our life is always a resounding “YES”!!! Period.
4. We became more of ourselves.  What do I mean by that?  Well, we were (are) stretched.  We learned to love…unconditionally.  We learned patience….with the kids and with ourselves. I have often said that any problems that I faced  in fostering and adoption were rarely with the kids but with my own self!  Fostering teaches us how to put another’s needs before our own.  It is a perfect picture of how God loves us and pursues us…even in our messiness.  I can not think of anything that teaches us the character of God more than learning to love his children well.

This is good news, friends.  We are better people because we moved over and made room.  We have learned, as a young teacher friend of mine tells her students, that “we can do hard things”.  I believe there are others that can offer this kind of love to a child.  It is a calling, a privilege, and a blessing.  It is the hardest and the very best all wrapped up into one nugget.  It is the heart of God displayed in your hands, your feet, your arms.