Stepping out of the box

Ah, life is so comfortable in the box.  I have my pictures on the wall. I have my food ready to eat.  I've got people around me who I love and who love me back. I have my toys and my pet.  It is all right here- neatly inside my box.
Truth is, I really don't want to leave my box.  If I dare to step outside the box, the wind might blow and my pictures might get tilted. I might accidentally bring in some unwanted leaves from outside.  Food might get a little scarcer and I- well I have just enough.

The box.  We all love the box.  Our own private little world where we hang everything just so and dare anyone to knock it off kilter.
I loved my little box too.

It was
comfortable,
cute,
manageable.

Who in the world would want to go shaking the contents of that box or turning it over on it's side.

Not me.

But then one day, I dared to step outside the box.  I dared to open the door, peer out, and look to see

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

things that were hidden when I stayed in my comfortable box.  I opened the window and let a little breeze in.  I left the door open for a few minutes longer and stared.  I eased my way out on to the porch and I looked around and I thought to myself, "maybe there is more I could do with my box."
Now I'm not saying we dispense of the box altogether.  Not at all.  I am however, suggesting that we take the time to look around a little.  We leave, just for a moment, the well placed world we live in, and breath in a few breaths from outside the box.  Go ahead.  Suck in the air a little.  Hmmm...it is not so polluted after all!  Didn't even get choked up!

I talk to people everyday who love their "box" so much, they are afraid to walk outside it.  The view they have is limited to their clean, white walls and they are terrified to allow the color of the outside in. I shutter to think what would have happened if we had not flung the door wide open and taken a gander at the children standing right outside our door.  They were not the neighborhood kids who could quickly scamper back to their own nests.

No.
They were...

Children who were yearning to be invited inside.
Children who prayed that someone would open the door.
Children who would have almost begged to have a place at the table.
Children who needed to be included in the "box".

Photo by Helena Sollie on Unsplash

The truth is, our boxes have secrets.  Our boxes can expand and we didn't even realize it!  Not only is there more love, room, food, clothing, and "stuff" than we ever thought possible, but,  there is one quality about love that leaves you shaking your head in disbelief:  Love always multiplies, never subtracts.  Don't you remember having your second child and wondering if you could possibly love the new baby like you did your first?  And then, suddenly that second child comes and the love was there...in abundance.  The miracle in this?   Nothing was taken away from child number one. Nothing.  The truth is, it might have even grown. 

Love multiplies.

Boxes...or houses make new rooms

Families set another place at the table.

Children have a home.





Seems so simple. It really doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

Open your door.
Walk out on the porch of your box.
Take a look. A long, deep look and breath in the air.

Children are waiting for their invitation.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.

Simplify: Not just a cute sign to hang on the wall

I'm not a great multi-tasker.  I realize that women are typically supposed to be gifted at doing multiple things at one time, but I somehow missed out on that gift.  If I am talking on the phone  and a child asks me a question, I lose both conversations!  I have no idea what the child said  or what the person on the phone was saying.  I'm lost.  I've learned I have to keep things simple in order to manage my life and I have to say, some of you might need to follow suit. Simplify is a popular phrase right now, but not so popular in how it actually is done.

I understand wanting your child to have every opportunity life offers.  I get wanting them to become well rounded people with a variety of abilities and skills.  I certainly want that for my kids too.  But, somehow I think we are losing some skills in our effort to skill them in so many areas. We are taking away some essential life skills by trying to fill up each moment of everyday.

There are several things I think we can teach our kids by paring down our lives and deciding to keep things simple.  Let me list for you a few advantages:

1) Your child will learn that life doesn't revolve around them.  If you are spending every night running Sarah to every practice and social activity known to man, then Sarah is for sure believing that it is all about her.  Of course we want our kids to know they are important, but teaching them their value, and having them feel entitled are two different things.  A child can understand they are a valuable person by taking time to listen to them and by allowing them to contribute to the "running" of the house...and by that I mean....chores.  They are fully capable of helping with the cooking, cleaning, helping with groceries, mowing the lawn, washing clothes, and many other things that go into keeping the household running.  When you busy your life with everything "child" then everything else gets put on a back burner.
All chores have to be delayed.
McDonald's employees start calling you by name.
Husbands and wives forget that they are...well....husbands and wives as well as mamas and daddy's.

Teaching your child that there are multiple people in the household, all needing to have their needs met as well will in the long run be healthier.

Photo by Ryan Hafey on Unsplash

2) Success over a few things is better than mediocrity over many.  Anytime I get too many things on my plate, then something or someone is going to suffer.  Although I am working on this flaw, I admit I am a people pleaser.  When I start trying to keep too many people happy, then I usually do nothing with excellence.  I can't help but believe we are all like this to some degree.  If we think we can master the art of 50 plates in the air at one time, most of us will be hit in the head when they come crashing down. There is nothing wrong with having a couple of evenings where everyone is home, and dare I say it, maybe even a little bit bored.  Those are the times when conversation can happen.  That is when the blanket forts are built.  That is when a family movie comes on and popcorn is made. I am one who needs to be a little bit bored in order to think creatively.  If every moment of every day is filled with an agenda, my mind doesn't have time to wander and my creative side is not engaged.

3) Learn to say "I'll get back to you on that".  As I mentioned earlier, being a people pleaser causes me to say "yes" too often and too quickly.  I have just recently vowed to myself to always give people an answer later rather than sooner.  Knowing my tendencies to take on more than I can handle, it is much better for me to take the request back home and think on it, see if I can fulfill it with whatever else I have on my plate, and then give the person my answer.  It might possibly still be yes, but I at least have had the opportunity to think through if it will fit into our routine and schedule.

4) Slow and lazy do not mean the same thing. Productivity is very valuable to me.  I really do not like "lazy".  But, deciding to slow things down and being lazy are not synonymous.  Purposefully keeping things simple, creating time for thought, conversations, and relaxation is healthy, not lazy.

I love to look at houses as I drive down the road.  I see all of these beautiful homes with lovely porches and decks, beautifully manicured yards, and maybe even a relaxing pool in the back yard.  What I don't see are people enjoying them.  Rarely do I see someone with their feet propped up enjoying their comfy porch furniture. I don't hear the splash of the water from the pools too often, and the decks look like they are rarely used.  I want to change that for myself and for my family.

I remember as a child, sitting each evening on the steps of our front porch as the sun went down.

Photo by Monica Silva on Unsplash

There was conversation.
There was quiet.
There were crickets chirping and frogs croaking.
And occasionally there was the collecting of firefly's.
There was connection.

A neighbor might come by and sit with us.  My grandfather, who lived behind us would wander to the porch to sit and smoke his cigar.  It was simple and there was time...time to reflect on the day and reconnect as a family. Oh, and I remember the distinct slamming of the screened door as we went in and out.  Just a screen separating the inside and out.  No locks and bolts to have to unravel to move from one to another.  No peep holes to look through to see who was coming.  It was the definition of "simplify".
Perhaps you are trying to figure out how to lesson the stress of life.  Maybe you have brought children into your home who have come from hard places and the hectic schedule you have set up is not working.  Dear friend, slow down.  Breathe.  Inhale the true value of simplifying and exhale the clutter that wants to suck us back in. Simplify is more than a cute sign to display in your living room.  It is a decision.

Resist.
Breathe deeply.
Enjoy.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.