Why not me?

Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

A few weeks ago at church we had an opportunity to give a word of testimony about what God is doing in our lives.  It was such a sweet time to hear different people speak about how God is working in them and through them.  I found myself sharing the tremendous blessing of bringing children into our home and the fact that I shutter to think my husband and I could have missed out on that blessing.  What blessings are sitting there waiting on us and we just can't or won't open the door to receive them?

Earlier in my life I felt a call to the mission field.  I responded to that calling after hearing a Missionary from Zimbabwe speak to my church.  I was sixteen at the time.  I don't recall all that she said that day.  I'm supposing there were stories about her life on the field and her work in that African country.  I do, however, remember how she ended her message.  She talked about the need for missionaries to introduce Christ to many who haven't heard, and then she looked straight at the congregation and asked, "why not YOU?"  It was at that moment, I knew God was calling me. Why NOT me, I said to myself. My husband and I had the privilege of responding to that call to the mission field  later in our life and that question still rings in my ears today.  Why not YOU?

I think the same question could be asked of this calling to foster or adopt.  We feel a little tug, we hear about the need, and then we have to ask ourselves, "why not me?" 

Fostering and adoption have become somewhat in the forefront of people's minds these days.  Most of our churches have had someone to adopt or to respond to the call to foster.  Probably many have thought about it.  At least I hope they have.  But the doors to this messy ministry are not swinging with people flying through them.  In this blog, I want to address some of the possible barriers that might be blocking you from responding with a resounding "YES"!

1)  I am financially strapped already.  I can't afford another mouth to feed.  

With fostering, whether you foster through a state agency like DCS or a private agency like Childhelp, you are given a stipend to help provide for the child or children in your home.  When we were blessed with our youngest four, many things changed.  Our electric bill went up.  We had to change vehicles to accommodate so many kids.  There was a never ending line of fees for school and church trips, clothes, shoes, etc... But, with the stipend we received, we were able to take care of all of those needs and more.

2) I don't think I can handle the behavior of a child from such abuse.

Granted, there are perplexing attitudes and behaviors that are displayed when a child has been taken out of an abusive home.  That is why we require a lot of training.  The way to overcome this barrier is education.  How do I respond to a child who refuses to eat....or one who is eating me out of house and home?  You will encounter some behaviors, no doubt.  But what most people don't realize is that the majority of kids in the system, given a safe, loving environment, have fairly "normal" behavior.  Do they have an attitude every now and then? Uh...yes.  Do they say "mom" a gazillion times?  Oh yes.  Are they struggling at times with school, feelings, life?  Absolutely.  We have the privilege of helping a child navigate all of that...to be a life changing influence on that child and their future.  Nothing you do in this life could matter more.

3) I don't think I can handle more than one child.

Photo by Allen Taylor on Unsplash

Talk to many of us who have fostered and we will tell you, siblings are probably easier than one solo child.  When you bring a sibling group of 2-3 in your home, they come equipped with someone who is their comfort and knows their shared history.  Also, they are coming in with an automatic playmate.  There are things that I'm good at as a mother...I'm funny and I know how to have a great
time dancing through the kitchen.  But, I despise playing Chutes and Ladders.  I don't want to "ride a little horsey" and the expressions I make while "talking" for Barbie might get a little snarky.  It is an area that I might need to grow in, for sure, but a child coming in with a checker's partner already?  Yep...that's a help.

4) I would have a hard time letting a child go back to their birth parents. 

This is one of the most common arguments for not fostering.  I'm going to address this by saying...it is not easy to do.  But, let's consider a couple of things.  First off, the child might not go back at all and be adopted by you or someone else.  Secondly, we are the adults here.  It is our job to teach a child how to attach and to love them and keep them safe.  PERIOD.  If we have a hard time "handling" parts of this process, imagine the difficulty of the child!  We have to handle it ....for their sake!  Don't let how this ministry might make YOU feel determine whether or not you invest in the life of a child.  It really is not about me...or you.   This ministry is 100% about the child.  Let me add another thought to this as well.  What if you were instrumental in helping that child's parents get their life back on track?  What if you established a life-long relationship with this family and walked along side them to teach them how to love and parent their child? Wow...that is redemption displayed in the most beautiful way possible.

5) What would it do to my biological child(ren)?

You might have heard me address this before. My husband and I certainly worried about this before bringing children into our home.  At Childhelp, we would never want you to feel your child is unsafe or be unduly influenced by negative behavior.  But, having 3 biological children, and bringing 6 older kids into our home, I think the overall response from my first batch is very positive.  They learned that this life is not all about them.  They learned to share their mama and daddy and their  "stuff".  They learned forgiveness and compassion. What possible negative can come from that?  They understand the privileges they have had that other children have dreamed about.  They are adults now and all seem to have a passion for fostering and adoption.  The fact that they would run toward this ministry and not away from it is an indication of how they feel. Were there tough times for them?  Oh yes.  But our kids go through tough times with their biological siblings as well.  Problems might be different but the overall lesson here....we have to learn to get along with people in general.  We have to share and love and forgive and encourage and do all of that over and over again.

You will no doubt encounter problems if you say yes to this ministry.  It will be messy and wonderful.  It will take you to your lowest low but also to your highest high.  It is not for the faint of heart.  My friends, I don`t believe God created us for the sidelines.  I don`t think he has so beautifully formed us and equipped us, just to sit and watch life happen.  He created us for a purpose.  Oh, and guess what...  All the children out there?  He created them for a purpose as well.  I for one want to help them find that.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.