I give UP!

 Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

Do you ever feel that way?  I give up!!!  As mothers, we are bombarded with people needing us, asking for something from us, making us look at them (hey, watch this!), and a list a mile long of our jobs as mothers.  It's exhausting.  Sometimes, we might want to give up but we retreat back to our bedroom and rest for a while, then we pack up our weapons, pull on our camouflage  big girl pants, and we go back into battle. Not to make it all sound so grim, but, reality pushes me to be honest.  That is a real feeling we all face and sometimes we feel like saying, or maybe even shouting... "I GIVE UP!", "I SURRENDER!"


Oh how I feel your pain.  Been there all too many times.  But, might I suggest that there are a few things we CAN give up on...and if we do, we might just survive each day a little bit better. Maybe we can do more than survive...is there a chance we might THRIVE??  Read on.

• Give up on being the perfect mom.  We all want to do a good job raising our children.  We strive to give them all that they need and most of what they want.  Sometimes, however, we are going to fail at that.  We are not going to be able to meet all of their needs, wants, and desires, and we are definitely NOT going to be able to prevent them from having a hardship every now and then.  Accept that. Let that sink in for just a moment. 
  
  Grieve for a second or two that you really don't have super powers and then draw in a long deep breath. Now, help your kiddos to learn that while Mama will do her best, she is only one person and little Susie might have to go without that second sport.  Bought cookies might have to be what Tiffany takes to school instead of your "specialty" that all the kids love.  Sometimes we set our expectations of ourselves so high, we feel we are constantly failing in this limbo of life.  We feel we keep knocking that bar off and then feelings of failure kick in.  Fellow mamas, relax.  You can't do it all and by the way...stop looking at that Mama who seems to be able to.  She might have the organizational skills to handle her load but her tank will soon have a leak as well and her limbo bar might have to be lowered eventually.  
• Give up on needing your own way.  When you have multiple kids, somebody better be in charge and most of the time it falls on us.  Not to disparage the role daddy plays in this...they are awesome at so many things, but running the house?  Usually Mama.  There are a few things that I have just plain had to let go.  For example, my teenage sons now wear shorts...year round...even when temperatures have dropped the night before into the twenties.  I used to make them go back up to their room and change  with a shout of "people are going to think ...what kind of mother would let you go out like that!!".  Meh...this kind. I mean, do brief periods of being cold really cause sickness?  I think not.  So, go on...knock yourself out.  If you get cold...well then, you get cold.  I am dusting off my hands even as I write.  Done.  Not my worry.  You see, everything really doesn't have to be MY way.  Sometimes as parents, we make a compromise.  We say...in this, you can have your way.  We let them take the lead, we give up a little of our own desire and we say in words and actions...I respect you enough to let you choose this.
• Give up on doing everything for them.  When our kids are small, there is an awful lot that falls on us as moms.  We have to do so much for them and sometimes we forget to let go of the reins a little bit.  Children are much more capable than we think.  When our youngest four came into our home, their ages ranged from 10-15.  I felt absolutely over whelmed  and swallowed up with the ever increasing laundry demand.  Solution:  Everyone did their own!!  Even the ten year old

  

  Photo by Nik MacMillan on Unsplash

  could learn to operate the washer and dryer and manage his own laundry.  No one was harmed by this added chore on them and I was relieved.  The sacrifice for me is occasionally realizing one of them smells sour or has worn the same outfit for a couple of days.  But, the advantage is kids growing up, leaving home  knowing how to manage their clothes and hopefully a little more about managing their life.  News flash: kids can also cook, vacuum, make beds, wash sheets, fold towels, and take out trash.  In this house, living here requires you to do chores.  So far, no one has keeled over from this rule.

Perhaps I'm not the only one who would actually like to be an empty nester one day.  Am I alone in my thinking that preparing kids to be independent is anything but absolutely wonderful?  I know, some of us find our self -worth in the care giving role. Not me.  Oh believe me, with nine children, I dish out the care.  But, I would very much like for ALL of them to embrace adulthood and all of the responsibility that comes with it.  As far as I'm concerned, they are adults in training.  And, in this family, we started that training with a Tide Pod and a vacuum cleaner.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.