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| Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash |
It's not an easy balance to strike and one that will get way off kilter if not purposely put back on track. But, the first thing we have to do is actually recognize what is the priority. Who gets the first fruits of my time and attention? My answer might surprise you.
Children are going to naturally control a good bit of our time. We are their providers after all and we have to prepare meals, bathe little ones, and do all sorts of day to day tasks. Of course, even more when they are small but having raised nine children, the demand is really not lessened as they get older. The problems are just different and often more complicated.
Now, how in the world do we"marriage" while doing all of those many things?? We work at it...daily. I can tell you that every one of our kids knows that we are each other's priority. It is rare that a child sits in between us at a movie or any other event and that "spot" is a metaphor of how we present to our children our relationship. We claim that spot...together. You are responsible for setting the tone of your relationship with each other and with your kids. Kids will follow your lead...and hopefully, through you, learn how to make their marriage a priority too. Here are a few ways to keep the main thing, the main thing.
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| Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash |
1) Date your mate. Even after parenting (and still parenting) nine children, we continue to date. We MAKE time for this and covet the moments we spend alone. We eat out, go to a movie, go to the mountains that surround us and take in it's beauty. We occasionally plan a couple of nights away and
really focus on each other. Every parent needs this but if you are parenting kids from hard places, then the drain on you might have quadrupled. It might take a little finagling, but make this a priority. Ultimately your kids will be better off if mama and daddy are happy with each other.
2) Leave some energy for the end of the day. If kids rule the way the evening goes, then you are almost always going to be used up by the end of it. Since bringing our last four into our home, we had an "everyone off the floor at 9:00 PM" rule. They might not have gone to bed, but we were done answering questions and responding to needs after nine. This was our time. We would watch a show, talk, or just relax and settle down from the day. Our kids respected this. Not that we never made exceptions for children who were sick or needed to talk something out... we did. But we also didn't apologize for needing it and they had to occasionally be reminded that their time was up for the day. They might not have liked it at the moment, but again, my husband and I would better meet their needs tomorrow if we had time to refill our needs that night.
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| Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash |
3) Let the marriage bed be the marriage bed. I know that there are times when it is easier to let a child come wrap up in between Mama and Daddy. But, a steady diet of that and before you know it, little miss priss has made a permanent indention in her place on your bed. Children are greedy little creatures and their needs are paramount in their minds. Helping them see that while you are there to meet their needs, Mama and Daddy have needs of their own. A child who plops down ready to watch the nightly news with Mama and Daddy is going to steadily take over if allowed. The marriage bed should be a place of refuge and intimacy. If those things are lacking, I'm willing to bet the whole marriage is suffering.
Making your marriage a priority is a choice. Vow to take small steps to adjust and alter things that might be falling by the wayside. Ultimately a healthy marriage is best for your children as well.
Every wound healed. Every child, a home.
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