Wanted: Everyday Heroes

Photo by Oliver Cole on Unsplash

Courage comes in so many different ways.  Recently in the news, watching the divers attempt to rescue the soccer team from the caves in Thailand...wow, THAT was COURAGE!  And the team?  Surviving in a dark cave for two weeks?  The bravest.
All around us we see courage demonstrated in the most dramatic of ways:
Firemen pulling a child from a burning building.
A policeman stepping in front of  a shooter to protect the crowd.
A mom grabbing her baby before oncoming traffic could change everything.

It really is inspiring to see courage displayed so vividly and so selflessly.

Courage can wear a different uniform, however.  It can be in mom jeans and a stained t-shirt as she  answers the same question already asked a thousand times....with patience.  It can be in a three piece suit having solved complex problems all day and then choosing to face the little chocolate stained cheeks inside the front door asking for attention... with a smile

Photo by Becca Tarter on Unsplash

.   It can also be in the extra large youth jersey, totally unsettled from all of the turmoil in his life, choosing to face his own  challenges and stepping out to confront the demons of his past.  That takes courage.  Big time.

This life presents so many opportunities to witness everyday heroes. I get to watch these miracles take place on a regular basis.  Kids who have been through the worst of beginnings with parents who couldn't or wouldn't take care of even their most basic needs but somehow they  muster up enough courage to trust someone else!!  Or, bravely return to the home they are afraid of to see if the one adult in their life who is supposed to care for them is sincere about their promises.  That takes guts.

Or, I see families bravely step forward  to claim a child, or children as their own.  They take them under their wing, line them up with their own brood and make room for someone who needs them. They go through training, intense scrutiny of their own baggage, background checks and home visits...all to take over the task of raising a child.  Oh friends, I wish you had my view of these heroes.  It is spectacular!!

Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

Right now we are desperately in need of everyday heroes. Adults who will take on the task of ministering to a child from a hard place.  Sometimes the problem seems overwhelming.  Children come into care each day and those of us who work in this field fret over where they will go.  Who will step up?  But did you know that if only one family from each church in our little area of the world were to foster, then BAM!  The problem is solved.  Children will have a place to call home.  The hurting and belief that they are unwanted can stop.  All can be well with the world...or at least begin to be.

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.

A letter to those who foster

Dear parents who foster,

You have been called to a special place.  It is a call to take the broken and try to mend.  A call to take the shattered and piece by piece, painstakingly try to put the parts back together again.  NOT an easy calling.
This letter is to say THANK YOU.   Thank you for doing the hard stuff of life for the sake of a child.  Thank you for pushing forward even though you feel inadequate.

I know.  I am one of you.  I'm pretty sure my daily feelings of inadequacy are universal in foster parenting.  NOTHING makes you more keenly aware of your own shortcomings than fostering.  NOTHING makes you more aware of your own needs and wants like pouring out your entire self into someone else. You feel empty and tired and not sure of what might be your next step in combating whatever feeling or behavior your child is now displaying. And if I'm being perfectly honest, combating my own behaviors as well.  Whew.  It's exhausting.

This letter is to let you know you are not alone.  We have all felt that way.  All of us have looked into the mirror and seen the stressed face of inadequacy staring back at us. We have given the proverbial pep talk to ourselves and frankly felt like we were still on the losing team.  We have coached, lectured, disciplined and listened.  We have chauffeured, sat on bleachers, in counseling offices, on a pew, and possibly in the chairs of the Principal's office. We have done all of that and still it feels as if it is not enough.  Not enough to make up for the years of neglect or abuse.  It is never enough. So, we battle.  Battle hard each and every day for the heart and mind of our child.

It is not a fight that is  easily won.  You, my precious friend, took on a battle after much of the war had already raged. You collected the squadron as they were ragged from their fighting and rallied the troops to go at it again. You chose to put yourself on the front lines.  To fight at the most intimate of levels.

Perhaps you are war weary.  Perhaps you have fought and fought and are seeing very few victories. You might be ready to slowly raise the white flag of surrender.  Don't.   But if you need to surrender, surrender these:

Surrender your need to be perfect.  NO ONE operates at 100% everyday.  You will have bad days and so will your kids.  In my experience, after what our kids have already endured, my bad day is
quickly forgiven. So, forgive yourself.  Yesterday is done.  We have been blessed with the sunrise of each new day and the power to make each one better.

Surrender some of your activities.  SLOW DOWN.  Want to add to the drama and stress of foster parenting?  Busy yourself to the point of exhaustion.  Your child will be OK without that extra sport
for the year.  Their career as a gymnast, NFL star, or budding musician might have to wait for the moment.  Keep. it. simple.

Surrender their future.  This is a hard one.  All of us want to think that all of the effort we are making day in and day out will ensure a healthy, productive adult.  There are no guarantees...for ANY of our children.  Our job is to pour into them as many good, healthy, loving things as we can.  But, their future is ultimately up to them.  We can be instruments used by God, but we are not their savior.  Trust their futures to the ONE who is their Savior.

Surrender your need to be right.  Because much of foster parenting is correcting and redirecting behaviors that were ingrained from the beginning, many times we think our way is the only way. I would have saved myself many bad days and feelings of frustration if I would have just let go of something every now and then.  Sure, we know what the correct behavior should be for our child but can we at least understand that is is not going to come overnight? Change takes time.  As one case manager said to me, "It's like trying to turn a battleship around in Fort Loudoun Lake."  Let go.  Every negative, bad behavior does not have to be addressed.  Think big picture.  Choose to walk away every now and then.  Your sanity might depend on it.  Oh, and theirs might too.

Surrender the idea that you can go at this alone.  You have already raised three kids of your own.  You got this, right?  Well, maybe not.  Kids who have come from trauma are different and what worked for junior might be completely opposite of what is needed for your foster child.  Be willing to learn and grow and try new things.  There IS support for you.  Don't be embarrassed to look for it and embrace it!  And if you need a few days of respite, take it!  You will come back refreshed and ready to tackle it again.

Friends, you are doing a noble task.  You are asking of yourself something most people can't or won't muster up.  Thank you.  Whether you realize it or not, you are making a lasting impact on your children.  Their story isn't over!  Each page has not been written yet and their battle isn't finished!  You have provided them with tools and weapons to combat the worst of beginnings and you are equipping them for a lifetime.  Be encouraged, fellow laborer.  You are valued.

Every wound healed. Every child, a home.

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