A Simply IMPERFECT Christmas

In my heart, I want it to be simple.

In my home, I want it to be simple

In my bank account, I want it to be simple.

In my kitchen, I want it to be simple.

But I'm telling you friends, simple sometimes seems, well...complicated. 

With the Christmas holiday upon us, let's focus on how we can accomplish keeping it simple:

Let go of expectations. 
This is a change that can begin at this very moment.  While I enjoy watching a Hallmark movie as much as the rest of the world, I know that everything is not that "picture perfect". Decide now to let go of some of those unrealistic expectations. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, my husband and I have 9 children.  With that large of a family, we had to let go of some of what we expected out of them and out of ourselves. For example,  we no longer buy gifts for all of the older children.  That hurt my heart to give that up, but it absolutely overwhelmed me to figure out gifts for that many people.
So, they get cash. Not too personal, I realize. If I am able, I might add one personal gift or a handwritten letter but even if that doesn't happen, I'm okay.  Also, I realize that with children growing up and having their own families, I might not get to have them in the same room at the same time.  I refuse to put that kind of pressure on them and have let go of that perfect photo opp.  Do I still hope all of my chicks are around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning? Of course. But, as they grow older...life will change. I fully expect their own traditions to take over and some of mine to lose top priority.

What about "almost homemade".
Part of my frustrations during the busy holiday season is the amount of meals I seem to be preparing. I will still have a traditional Christmas dinner, but I might cheat a bit for the other meals surrounding the day.  If two large chicken pot pies from Costco or a couple of frozen lasagnas from Walmart can be inserted to provide a meal for my gang without having to think through and line up ingredients, then I say so be it! Simplifying means finding ways to make things run smoothly and lesson the stress.  What about a sandwich night?  Or even getting together for just cookies and hot chocolate. The point is...get together. 
If you still have littles in the home, they are equally impressed with a pizza night or hot dogs around the fire pit. In other words, together doesn't have to mean table clothes and candles, two meats, six sides, and everyone's favorite dessert. Keeping it simple might mean you will reserve enough energy to enjoy the evening too.  I can almost guarantee that your family would rather have a simple meal and a happy mama than the other way around.

Good enough is...good enough 
I don't consider myself a perfectionist but a people pleaser?  Guilty.  I would probably try to run through fire if I thought that was what someone ELSE was expecting for their entertainment. My people pleasing is and probably will always be a work in progress.  Recently, though, I told someone very close to me that I couldn't do what they were asking of me. Amazingly, we all survived. I also have missed a couple of my son's football games and by my best observation, he still played well and doesn't appear to be terribly scarred. Relationship is still in tact. Will my tribe occasionally be disappointed in me?  Probably. But my effort, my attention to them, my house keeping abilities are all good enough. Not perfect...but enough.

Your children will be okay...

If the outside lights don't get put up this year.

If they don't get to have the epic sleepover they were hoping for during their school break.

If finances called for everyone at the party to go home...wait for it...without a party favor.

If they turn on cartoons and eat Pop Tarts so that you can get an extra hour of sleep.


YOU will be okay...

If paper plates are used at the Christmas dinner instead of grandma's china.

Photo by Providence Doucet on Unsplash

If everyone eats cereal on Christmas morning instead of the big breakfast you were hoping to prepare.

If the floors didn't get mopped before everyone comes over. (Newsflash: the moment they all walk in, the floors will be dirty. Doesn't it make sense to mop after they leave?  Hmmm??? )

If your boys are still wearing shorts on Christmas day. (They won't stay cold forever and I don't think you actually get sick from being a little chilly anyway.)

So, have I convinced you to relax?  Enjoy your less than perfect life? After all, it is generally the imperfections that we all remember. Let's have more of those!

Every wound healed.  Every Child, a home.  childhelptn.org

"Room in my heart and home" How one single foster mom makes it happen!

Melissa B., in the world's eyes, had it made:

A successful business woman who had a beautiful home of her own.

Vacations every year with friends or family.

 In a way, she was living the high life.

But, Melissa says she always knew there was more to her life and that she was being called to go deeper.  God had often times reminded her of this persistent feeling that she could do more.

One day, after seeing a Public Service Announcement from Childhelp, Melissa said she knew it was time to respond. "I knew I could help", Melissa told me with a confident smile. Childhelp is so glad she took the initiative to make that first call!  Melissa  first began volunteering for Childhelp...helping with foster care events and fundraising.  Then, she became a member of Childhelp's board and used her education and business influence to help make important decisions for the organization.

But, over a year ago, her commitment level took on a whole new meaning.
Melissa, after completing training to become a foster parent, took the plunge and welcomed three little girls into her home.

Change. Wow, did it take place that day! Suddenly this single, independent business woman had three little faces staring up at her and this time her role was "foster mom.".

Another title those of us at Childhelp would give her is "Superwoman"!!

Melissa took all of her business skills and organized tutoring, music classes, dance, and more. She combined that with her nurturing side and in the midst of chaos and trauma, found family...both for herself and the precious kids before her.

Melissa and girls at one of their many fun experiences..being SLIMED!

I asked Melissa what was the best part about this experience.  She replied, "Knowing I am having a positive impact on their lives - seeing them smile and watching them accomplish things!"

Melissa has given the girls experiences that are every child's dream. She has balanced the world of extra-curricular activities like a professional and each child has had an opportunity to learn, grow, and bloom where they have been planted.

When asked what was the most difficult part of this process, Melissa responded that "dealing with outbursts when their trauma was just too much for them to bear could be hurtful". But, she added,  "I've learned  not to take it personally."



Children sometimes lash out when they are stressed from all of things they have been through. Melissa has learned to help them through those vulnerable moments and together, they became family.  Melissa has embraced the girl's birth mom as well. Whether they stay forever, or return to their birth family, Melissa feels that she will always be a part of their lives.  It is clear that a bond has been established by everyone.

I asked Melissa what advice she would give to other single adults thinking about fostering.  "Just do it!", she said. "There is nothing to be afraid of. They are just kids who need love, attention, and opportunities to grow." Melissa added that she has been surprised by the amount of community support available to fostering families.  She said that in addition to the support Childhelp offers, she has found a pool of resources that has been of assistance to her.


Melissa took a chance. She followed her big heart that told her she had more to give. At Childhelp, we know of three very special girls who are glad she did.

Childhelp is so richly blessed by Melissa and other foster parents who continually say to themselves: "we can do more."

Every wound healed.  Every child, a home.

To learn how you too can become a foster parent, go to childhelptn.org